by Donna Koehn
If you're a woman over 50, widowed or divorced, the thought of dating again probably makes you want to hide your head under the covers. All the pretension, all the silliness, all those extra pounds. Alice Solomon wants you to know you're not alone. And, believe it or not, it's safe to pull your head out. And even harder to believe? It might be fun.
"It's very, very hard at first,'' says Solomon, author of "Find the Love of Your Life After 50!'' After a couple is married for 25, 30, 35 years, it is a tremendous shock to appear on the dating scene again.''
Solomon should know; she's been there. Also, her years of writing a syndicated column and hosting a radio show about over-50 lifestyles convinced her that women of all ages yearn for a special man in their lives. Over and over, however, they told her they had no idea how to make that happen.
"Dating has changed so much from when we were teenagers,'' says Solomon, who lives in Delray Beach. "You're a different person; you've experienced so much. When we were girls, it was appropriate for a lady to wait for a gentleman to approach her. Nowadays, it is very different."
The book is chock full of practical tips for meeting men, including a chapter on computer dating. (She recommends it, if you're careful.) It also is a primer on the art of flirtation and the perils of married men. The former Mrs. Massachusetts even includes tips on updating makeup and hairstyles to catch a man's eye.
"When you get 'out there,' you're going to face rejection,'' she says. "You're going to be approached by married men. I think that is one of the untold secrets. And I understand why women are vulnerable to that. If they've been alone for two or three years, they crave a man's caress."
One of Solomon's key suggestions is that women stop to consider all the traits they believe their potential mate should possess - then substantially pare down the list. Think of your list as being less `My Mr. Perfect Wants' and more `My Mr. Perfect Needs.' Narrow it down. You've got to identify what your needs are, because, let's face it, we're not getting any younger. The longer your list, the longer you're going to go before you find him. If you do.
If you look for the three to five most important traits, you will find a wonderful man. There are lots of them out there, if you'll just give them a chance."
Start With These Steps
Solomon offers these tips for those dipping a toe in the dating waters:
* Try to make new friends. Form new friendships that better suit your single lifestyle. Clinging exclusively to the couples you knew before might keep you from finding potential mates.
* Ask for support. That can be a family member or a professional.
* Take small steps. Do something new every day. Buy new eyeglass frames, start a journal.
* Recognize the areas of life over which you have control. Find things you can make a decision about: whether to change your job or hair color, start a diet, take a trip. This will help you gain confidence. Above all, realize that change takes time, but the journey is well worth it.
"Please do not give up hope of finding a special person," Solomon says.
Find her book (The Writers' Collective, 2004, $14.95) at area bookstores, online, or on Solomon's Web site, www.GorgeousGrandma.com. |
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